Forgiveness

So I got into a car accident.

I sent him to the airport earlier for his Bangkok secondment, and was quite distracted throughout. I was thinking about how strange the vibes between us were. But that's another topic in itself. As I drove his car back, I decided to take it for a wash, since I was tasked to do so.

I wasn't paying attention, and I ended up "kissing" someone else's backside and ALSO cracking his bodykit.

The sense of doom was imminent before I even got off the car. I was at a loss on what to do, but I didn't panic, get upset or break down. I guess that's the benefit of being older. My first thought was: "He's going to kill me." It was his beloved car.

I had to call him for an action plan, but he was already boarding the flight. "Call your dad to go over," he said. "Call YH. He'll tell you what to do."

After the dust settled, I waited his flight to land, and for his anger to erupt all over me. After all, he would have had 2 hours and 30 minutes onboard to stew over my carelessness.

He didn't contact me after he got into Bangkok. He called YH instead, and asked how bad the damage was. YH said he sounded quite angry. I thought: "He must be, since the cold treatment has kicked in."

I think this qualifies as the 2nd worst day of 2011, after my horrendous birthday non-celebration.

But when he finally replied to my texts, this was what he said:

"I am not angry w u"
"Just reached hotel"

That's when I finally broke down.

It was gratitude, relief, amazement and guilt all rolled together. Gratitude because he wasn't going to make me feel worse than I already felt. Relief because I was expecting all hell to break loose, but it didn't. Amazement because I didn't for once imagine he would have responded the way he did. And guilt because I thought worse of him than he really was.

Forgiveness is a very powerful and precious gift.