Servant Leadership

It's been a long while since the last post and as usual, things have been hectic and eventful. For some reason, it always is like this for me.

But anyway.

Rather than updating about my personal life, I came across the concept of servant leadership, and that is what prompted this post (besides the fact that I'm finally able to take a slight breather tonight).

While I wouldn't say that I have worked in many organizations across different verticals, the turnover in my industry is high enough for me to say that I have seen my fair share of leaders with different management styles.

Some are hierarchical, others quite laissez faire; some very business-like and transactional, others personal and emotional. I have also seen politically-driven leaders, domineering leaders, charismatic leaders and so on. Among these, some are open while others believe in the compartmentalization of information.

But I have never once met a servant leader.

According to Wikipedia, these leaders "achieve results for their organizations by giving priority attention to the needs of their colleagues and those they serve. Servant-leaders are often seen as humble stewards of their organization's resources."

I found out about this concept by chance, after sneaking looks at my brother's computer as he watched Joel Manby of Hershend Family Entertainment on Undercover Boss.

Whether or not this is or should be the ideal type of leadership, is ultimately dependent on the culture and objectives of the company. Of course the judgment is subjective. But quite honestly, I was blown away by what I viewed. I couldn't believe there existed work environments that were so driven by the welfare of its people. (Ok maybe it's all staged, like in other reality TV shows.)

Maybe it's the American culture that fosters such leaders, and I'm saying this because Joel's style is really not that much different from Tony Hsieh of Zappos (whose Delivering Happiness book I read). Maybe Asian work environments are simply more focused on immediate bottomlines. Or perhaps these corporate differences are manifestations of welfare states versus non-welfare states.

Regardless of the contributing factors, the point is that great leaders are incredibly rare and hard to find, whatever their leadership styles are. Yet, the successful management of a company is so heavily dependent on its leaders. Sure, most companies function, some quite effectively in fact. But I've yet to see a company where people are satisfied, proud and truly happy to be there.

Time

Ever since hitting the Big Three, I have been thinking a lot about time and my life in retrospect. I find myself summing up the past few years' worth of days and hours, only to realise that the majority of that time has been buried in work.

When I first graduated from university, I promised myself not to get caught up in the rat race and become yet another Marxist mode of production. But this is exactly where I am now, being nice to everyone at work, more togged in corporate garb than before, trundling to office at morning peak hours and collapsing in bed after a long day of trying to be politically correct.

For the record, I have a sarcastic and impatient streak by nature (i.e. I'm not nice), I absolutely abhor work wear, and I am not a morning person. How did I get to where I am now??

I'll be honest. Money was a big motivating factor. I wanted a place of my own, of which only a cushy income could help me get there. I wanted to live overseas, which again would not be possible if not for a nicely-padded savings account.


However, each day seems to be getting less enjoyable than the last. I am acutely aware that I am losing flavour in life. Especially with the sudden passing of the Boy's father, I am even more conscious of the time I am wasting.

I once read in an article that an overall state of content is more sustainable than sudden spikes of intense happiness. I don't want the high. I just want to at least be glad of where I am.

I do wonder what or who I am now living for.

Devouring Books

I've been immersing myself in a variety of books recently. Others watch telly as a form of escapism; books are like that for me.

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
Delivering Happiness by Tony Hsieh

All three left deep impressions on me, partly because of the highly unusual settings of each narrative. More importantly, the stories weren't about self-pity despite the challenging circumstances. The authors spoke of the same fierce fighting spirit, perseverance and courage to be true to oneself.

I picked up a couple of quotes from Delivering Happiness, which I hope will serve as daily reminders whenever things don't go my way. 

When you walk with purpose, you collide with destiny. - Bertice Berry

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. - H.S. Truman

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. - George Bernard Shaw

Loved

Things have been incredibly tough the past week. Today was one of the bad days. I left work feeling drained and ready to throw in the towel.

Mom said she bought me a piece of cake last week for my birthday. She even included a candle, because I said I wanted a birthday cake this year.


But with all that had happened, I did not have the mood nor appetite for celebration. It's been 7 days and the guilt for neglecting the cake has really set in. When I finally reached for the cake box in the fridge, this is what I saw attached to it:

I bawled when I saw the message on the ang bao.

Grateful

As part of our monthly catch-up session, my boss and I had a candid conversation about work and other concerns this morning. Some serious issues were brought up, but overall we have a great relationship, so the talk went well.

Afterward, she sent me an email.

Subject: Think this should be our mantra...

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.

A Prayer

For strength, perseverance, faith, humor and grace amidst this all.

I think God has answered my prayer in some respects, as I have witnessed the bright sparks despite a general haze of greyness and blurry exhaustion. Work has not been terribly kind, but colleagues have been great.

The circumstances feel pretty lousy, but the people have been (mostly) giving the best support I could ever ask for. Even the man has pitched in his sensitive, understanding self (surprise surprise).

I find myself still able to laugh and feel little joys through the small things in life. Such as a wearing brand new checked shirt, imagining P dancing and singing with masks, hearing a colleague with the poshest Hugh Grant accent ever...

So thank you everyone.

An Anniversary

It's been exactly a year since my operation. Despite how fast time has flown by, the ordeal seemed like such a long while ago. Eventful. That's how the year has felt like.

I took 2 months to get back on my feet. Miraculously, I saw past my own disappointment to remain with him. September was spent in Shanghai, Suzhou and Hangzhou. How I made it in those 8 days is a mystery on hindsight. I was foolhardy to have made the trip. I know.

December was spent in Japan skiing and being whipped by the Siberian winds atop Mount Zao. I think I was really trying to enjoy life as much as I could, because my health was so precious and hard to come by. That was while I was battling bronchitis and/or asthma. To this day, I'm not quite certain which one I actually have. I'm told that it'll be there with me for life. I really hope not.

The new year ushered a new job promising more fun and a better pay. Since then, it's been a whirlwind of activities. Sydney in April for training, Jogjakarta in May for holidays, Florida in May for an internal business conference, Yunnan in June for holidays.

Now that I am reflecting back on the year, suddenly I realized I had allowed life to sweep me away. What were the goals I was trying to achieve at the start of this year? Where were my voice and sense of purpose? What did I really want in my life?

I need to regain my center. Leave time for myself. Exercise. Sleep well. Take care of myself first and foremost. Most importantly, health and happiness have to take priority.

Randomness on a Rainy Day

Loving the cool weather, which is going to be great for jogging. Time to pound the road again, and shelve swims until the sun returns.

Suddenly missing Japan. Wish I could be there.

A blood red sweater will go very well with my new pencil skirt. Ok more shopping for me. The floodgates have seriously opened.

I am having karaoke withdrawal symptoms. Must go memorize all those Korean songs for the next belting session. Top on the list is Nobody by Wondergirls!

Read up on calendula. I'm increasingly amazed by the healing properties of nature all around us. I should have overcome my fear of frogs, done biology in school and embarked on a career in pharmaceutical R&D or medicine instead.

Can't wait to explore JB after the Boy raved about it. Good Friday trip to look forward to!

Desktop

Some desktop memories before moving on.

Short Update

The past couple of weeks have been so hectic that it still feels like November, even though December is already wooshing by. Traditionally among all months, I love December the most, for its cool and rainy days, Christmasy atmosphere, and its promise of a new start next year. But work has wiped away most of my ability to appreciate these things, since I barely have time to go to the toilet, let alone think about enjoying myself.

But last Friday, I decided to give myself a break by sneaking off to Raffles City for lunch. The 2 stolen hours were glorious. Me and him went shopping for Christmas gifts, and bought ourselves little presents as well. Hopefully I can do this again before all the festivity is over.

This week will be spent finalizing holiday plans. I love love love to travel. But in the course of work (again), I have forgotten the excitement and anticipation of exploring a new place. The thought of planning for a trip has only left me feeling drained. Up till now.

Maybe it's the conversation we had just now revolving around his Japan work trip. Or perhaps it's because the year-end holidays seem so near it's almost touchable on this side of the calendar. Suddenly, the sweet anticipation of ditching town, bundling up in warm clothes, bathing in crispy cool air under warm sunshine, all just hit me.

Please. Let the hols come soon.

Good Old Days

I've been working late in office to clear a report, and I foresee another few more weeks of overtime.

In the past, while the extra hours were somewhat painful (what work isn't?), the monotony managed to fly by as well. Colleagues were around to chit-chat during the occasional breaks, motivate when productivity was low, and somehow, the shit got done.

Now? Cheering myself on to reach the conclusion of that report is tough tough tough.

Words of Wisdom about Work

I amaze myself with my insight sometimes. Haha.

In times of retrenchment, it's crucial to enjoy what you do. If not, make sure you're paid well for it. Otherwise, make sure you don't work too hard. Only then will losing your job seem less painful.