꿈운 이루어진다?

Dreams are undisputed reflections of one's waking life, worries and perhaps, inner desires.

Having held firmly this belief, I am often drawn to the strange plots that my sleeping mind conjures. They often seem to hold insights to the unfulfilled desires my consciousness is so good at suppressing or denying existence.

I dreamt that I was working alongside LL in a classy cream-coloured shophouse office within a trendy district of exotic Middle Eastern and Asian eateries. Our fallout years ago never seemed to have taken place. As dusk fell, I rushed out of the double doors with a colleague, whom I had dragged along as a companion to meet E for dinner.

We skipped from the eaves of shophouse to shophouse, trying to avoid the rain. When we arrived at the lusciously-decorated restaurant, E and his girlfriend were grouchily avoiding each other. It wasn't clear if a prior argument had taken place, but both were visibly relieved to see colleague and I slip into the boothed table.

Later, outside the restaurant, E gave me a present of a brocade clutch. I was visibly shaken by his gesture and I questioned him. I remember running away from him in my dream, trying to reach the safe sanctuary of my office once again. He caught up, and confessed that he's always had feelings for me. As the evening rain continued to fall, as he kissed me, I wept for the lost opportunities.

I'm disturbed, to say the very least. With J, I've firmly believed that my heart was full. Was the dream really an indication of my unrealized longing for E, or was it simply a grieving process to purge him out of my system? Or perhaps it was a manifestation of the very aspects I found wanting in J?

"If love was enough, I'll be there for you."