For those in the know, the past 3 weeks has felt like a lifetime's worth of experiences all compressed into a single duration of time. Love fought for, lost and regained, close friends getting married or moving country, a short holiday, as well as job cum study plans restarting and trudging slowly ahead.
The relationship aspect was the centerpiece in those few days of sheer anguish. I can't adequately describe how it felt... Perhaps physically as though someone had dug out my heart and left a gaping hole in its place. And mentally as if I was drained of hope, clarity and future. Amidst the heart-wrenching emotional distress, I've wondered why I was made to go through such experiences. Had I done something wrong to deserve it? Was my personality the reason why things had developed so disastrously? Others enjoyed plain-sailing relationships, why not me?
Yet, the biggest lessons I've learnt were also borne out of these circumstances and experiences.
That in order to be loved, I had to love myself first. Hence, I deserved to be shown care and concern like I have similarly invested. Love is a reciprocal affair.
That I didn't have to be a martyr. Ultimately, my happiness mattered too.
That I was too impatient in making progress, to the extent that I tunnel visioned the future. Everything comes in its own time.
That nothing in life is determinate. Why already lay down my conclusions now?
That these incidents happened for a reason. Someone up there had prepared these obstacles for me to grow wiser, and to prepare me for a future with a worthwhile partner for life.
That there really are people who are willing to be my mattresses 24/7, cushioning me when I fall.
It does not mean that I view the uncertainty ahead without trepidation, but at least, I have acceptance.
No comments:
Post a Comment